Bullying is one of many toxic behaviours at work. Other toxic behaviours include harassment, sexual harassment, discrimination based on gender, national origin, age, religious beliefs, or football team! (Ok, well, this last one can be hard to avoid in certain South American countries, but it doesn’t need to be hostile either and still no excuse for workplace bullying).
A particularly toxic work environment will not promote authenticity and open and honest communication, or reward team members for their achievements, or will reward only certain team members and not others for equal achievements, but the most toxic work environment is that which allows gossip, rumours and talking behind other people’s back. Gossip is a particularly toxic behaviour that is quite common amongst managers in both Australia and New Zealand, where they may even have upper management meetings to gossip and judge people based on personality and how much they like them, rather than on work performance. However, it is particularly toxic when these managers have these conversations in front of other team members, as I personally witnessed. They don’t seem to understand that speaking badly about their own staff when others can hear the conversation IS the very source of a toxic work environment.
Some managers may also place too much weight on this gossip, and may even decide to demote people who are doing a good job because they are not funny enough, or even promote people that lack the necessary skills and knowledge for the role because they can tell silly and even brainless or harassing jokes. I know this may sound like I am exaggerating, but this is from my own personal observations. I don’t like gossip, so I tend to notice this trait immediately and the direct correlation it has with an environment full of distrust and where people are afraid to talk because anything they say can and will be used against them. The funny part is that many kiwis do not understand how silly and unprofessional they look to a foreigner watching this interaction. Sometimes they think the are being passive aggressive and the other person is not noticing, but the other person is actually thinking “wow! They are awful people”. Over time, some adopt the distasteful trait in an attempt to fit in, while others refuse to lower themselves, but eventually end up leaving the toxic environment.
A French female architect I once met said that she thought of it as endearing, and she saw it as naïve and “simple minded” based on those jokes that sometimes targeted her, but that she took no offence because in her mind, it was as if one visited a village in the Amazons and observed the local natives telling tales about monkeys and tigers with great joy, perhaps even laughing at the outsider’s odd purple highlights, and protecting themselves from their dangerous looking smartphones. It was quite funny that she could see it that way, but then again she was on a working holiday visa working as a drafter with no intention of staying longer than a few years in the region.
Having a magnetic personality is a great treat, of course, in particular for a politician or an entertainer, and it can’t be dismissed or deterred. It is great to cultivate social skills, but excessive focus on personality in a professional environment, rather than in skills, competency and knowledge, can promote mediocrity and can discourage people who can do a great job but who are introverts and lack social skills or prefer to focus on their work. Perhaps they have ADHD, have suffered trauma, a personal loss, or going through a situation at home where they prefer to do their job in peace and go home. Many scientists, engineers, software developers, accountants and software developers fit into this category, yet may lack the personality of a rock star, a stand-up comedian or a pop singer. While in most parts of the world it is recognized that you do not need these traits to perform these jobs, and people should be respected in their individuality, many see promotions go to the clown and the bully, who lack 80% of the knowledge and skills.
Some New Zealanders may mistake a kind and cheerful personality for weakness, so this can explain why the bullying behaviour persists. Some blame the rugby culture, but if this was the case, then every country where rugby is played would exhibit the same problems. I doubt Argentinians, Irish or French, who also have rugby teams, would exhibit such bullish behaviour, based on the account of people who have worked both in these countries and in New Zealand.
Another friend from Chile, a female environmental engineer working in hospitality in New Zealand, was treated quite harshly and unable to find work in her field in New Zealand. She is fun, kind, smart, a people pleaser who is now thriving in Ireland and simply loves it. The first thing she said, looking back, is that in Ireland, people are not as aggressive or hostile as what she experienced in New Zealand, and she feels supported by her co-workers, with whom she goes out for lunch, parties, dinner etc.
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