The best way to prove it is to start documenting the incidents each time they occur, in writing, in an email to yourself, or if you have a friend (known as a “support person” in New Zealand) send him/her the message to get feedback, you can send it to us maria.castro.finalpaynz@gmail.com (we will keep confidential, may not read it right away, but it will help you sort out your thoughts and keep track of what is happening). If possible try recording videos, audio without seeing if the bullying involves yelling and psychological abuse, and try to gather witnesses in your favour.
Since the bullying and harassing behaviour only keeps getting worse, you can almost guarantee there will be a next incident, so be prepared and start writing an email to yourself with the date, time, place where it occurred, who was involved, what was said, and how the incident made you feel at that time. Being prepared and writing it as soon as it happens will not only help you cope with the damaging emotional effect, as self-therapy, but it will also help you keep track of the behaviour to legally prove that it was persistent, unreasonable, and even if it is subtle (as many bullies are quite clever in disguising it), it will also help demonstrate to others (lawyers, courts, mediators, mental health professionals) that it had a serious damaging effect on your emotional wellbeing.
If the environment honestly makes you so sick that you can’t continue going to work (for example, if you have nightmares, can’t wake up in the morning, experience symptoms of depression), don’t question yourself: don’t go to work. Even if they are all pretending it is all OK and some could even ACT as if they care and are empathic, their negative feelings and emotions towards you are probably what is causing that tension headache, or that feeling of a concussion in your head. You can try talking to your manager about it (unless he is the bully) and file a PERSONAL GRIEVANCE (see section about how to write one with a template for your use).
In your letter, give clear examples of the incidents and it is important to note how they made you feel. This at least will serve as evidence if you follow up your meeting with an email to your manager recapping the incident and CC yourself or a friend. Remember that if you do this, sometimes it can backfire as they may want to involve HR and start an investigation that will conclude NO BULLYING EVER TOOK PLACE. They will conclude you were simply crazy, making things up, had mental issues (despite the fact your mental issues were actually and ironically created by the work environment itself). I know this may sound exaggerated and hard to believe, but I am writing not only from personal experiences but also from HUNDREDS of cases I documented, read and heard while in New Zealand, including all kinds of nationalities, races, genders, professions and religions.
Also, as evidence of bullying, if you feel you can’t get up in the morning, it will also help to take sick days off and go to your GP to get a medical certificate (and a prescription to help you sleep, such as antidepressants, but I recommend natural supplements such as melatonin, 5HTP, valerian, camomile tea, lavender, etc.) Explain to your GP what is going on and make sure you call it for what it is: workplace bullying. I can guarantee you that most, if not all GP’s in New Zealand would be familiar with these cases and will know what to do. It is THAT common. REMEMBER: DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR IT. Nobody deserves to be disrespected and harassed at work or anywhere. Unless you are truly lazy, a bad employee, and you are skipping work because you were drinking, the more likely scenario when you are bullied in New Zealand is that you are neither of this, you were only trying to do a good job, probably excelled at it, you may even have a lively personality and you are a kind person, but you ended up in the wrong environment surrounded with the wrong people: the pathetic kiwi bullies.
Finally, I know it is hard to document and gather evidence when you are feeling so low and may be feeling depressed. Do whatever it takes to get out of the toxic environment as much as possible and to get as much support as you can while you are gathering evidence. If you feel isolated at work, go out for a nice lunch on your own, to places where you can talk to other people outside your office. Try to laugh about it. In the event you need to quit your job because it was impossible for you to continue (such as someone actually hitting you at work, which has happened), make sure you document this event, as it is called CONSTRUCTIVE DISMISSAL and you can get compensation for this as well. However, it is harder than going through a settlement and it may take you longer to get compensated, depending on how much evidence you have. In summary, emails to HR with your PERSONAL GRIEVANCE letter, or to your boss, emails from the bully, text messages, recorded conversations, photos, testimony from witnesses, co-workers, GP records, mental health professional records, and your own chronological account of events are all evidence to prove bullying at the workplace.
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